I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
