Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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