Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
