Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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