New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
