I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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