dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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