I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
4 words: hood of his car
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
