Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
