oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
