so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
