My liver just broke up with me...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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