can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
