Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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