$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
