Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
