so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
