I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
