just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
