i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
