She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
In America we eat man semen.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
