the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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