is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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