"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
