Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
