I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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