There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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