did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
