thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
