oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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