Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
