Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
