those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
