I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
there is glitter all over my balls
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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