the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
