i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
false alarm. still invincible.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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