I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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