O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
