problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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