my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
