This girl is more easily done than said...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
