i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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