We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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