We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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