Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
