She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
