I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
