So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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