omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
