peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
